This book is an easy-to-read retelling of George Chapman, Ben Jonson, and John Marston’s EASTWARD HO! A Retelling. Reading this retelling will help you to read and understand the original play.
Some Excerpts:
— 1.2 —
Sir Petronel said:
“Indeed, I was so entertained in the progress with one Count Epernoum, a Welsh knight.”
A “progress” is a visit of the royal court to places in the countryside.
Capernaum is an ancient fishing village that was located on the shore of the Sea of Galilee.
Capernaum was humble, but knights are often proud. Knights can be big balls of wind.
Sir Petronel and Epernoum played a game with a big ball of wind.
Sir Petronel continued:
“We had a match at the game of balloon, too, with my Lord Whachum, for four crowns.”
The game of balloon was played with a large inflated leather ball that players hit with their arms, which were protected with a wooden armguard.
Lord Whachum is What-You-Call-Him.
“At baboon?” Gertrude said, mishearing the word “balloon.” “Jesu! You and I will play at baboon in the country, knight.”
In this society, baboons had a reputation for lechery.
The game of baboon can lead to a baby-boon and a baby-boom.
“Oh, sweet lady, it is a strong play with the arm,” Sir Petronel said.
Gertrude said:
“With arm, or leg, or any other member, if it be a court sport.”
Hmm. “Any other member.” Say no more.
— 2.1 —
Quicksilver said, “(Hic!) Pulldo, pulldo! ‘Showse,’ quoth the caliver.”
“Pull dough” means “knead dough so that it will rise.”
Pulling on a soft, doughy penis can also make it rise.
“Showse” is a portmanteau word joining “shoot” and “owse,” aka “ooze.”
A penis can shoot a kind of ooze.
A caliver is a light gun and shooting a gun can be compared to ejaculation.
“Bah, fellow Quicksilver, what a pickle are you in?” Golding said.
Quicksilver said:
“Pickle? Pickle in thy throat!
“Zounds, pickle? Wa ha ho!”
Quicksilver was drunk because he was celebrating the marriage of Gertrude and Sir Petronel.
“Pickle in thy throat!” may be a reference to fellatio.
— 2.1 —
Quicksilver said:
By God’s foot, lend me some money.
“Hast thou not Hiren here?”
“Hiren” is a character in George Peele’s lost play The Turkish Mahomet and Hiren the Fair Greek.
The word also means “hirin’,” aka “hiring or employment.” Yes, Golding had a job, and therefore he must have money that he could lend Quicksilver.
— 2.2 —
Winifred appeared at a window above them.
She called, “Where is my Cu there? Cu?”
“Cu” was Winifred pet name for Se-CU-rity.
“Cu” is the beginning oof the word “Cuckold.”
***
“That’s all he can do, poor man; he may well cut off her name at Winnie.”
In other words: Security can whinny like a stallion, but he cannot perform the services of a stallion to a mare. He is unable to free her from her desire for an orgasm by giving her one.
In this society, “freed” was sometimes spelled “fred.”
An old, jealous husband can keep a young wife from having freedom.
In this society, “freed” was sometimes spelled “fred.”
An old, jealous husband can keep a young wife from having freedom.
An old, jealous, impotent husband can also keep a young wife free of sexual satisfaction. Winnifred has been freed of whinnying “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” in bed.
***
Quicksilver continued:
“— she could have had poignados in her bed every morning —”
An alternate form of “poignado” is “poinado.”
Perhaps “poignado” is a portmanteau word combining “poinado” and “panada” and “poignant.”
Panadas are bread puddings, and poinados are small daggers.
In this context, a small dagger is metaphorically a “penis.”
“Poignant” refers to sharpness of mental and physical feelings. It also refers to sharp, pungent tastes. Gertrude has a sharp desire for bread puddings and for sex.
